Parody – the Story
by Hoogiman
Summary: A general parody of overused ideas in SSBM fanfics, combined with some randomness. This chapter, The smashers goes for a holiday, Geoff the survivor host turns up, and someone is killing everyone else with javelins.
1. Chapter 1: A New Smasher

"Parody – the Story"- by Hoogiman

Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the SSBM characters here, and who would want SSBM characters to use in their fics when they could simply use my OC's, which, even though they have no personality whatsoever, they would make me feel good if you could include them in there.

"Hey-a Yoshi," said Dr. Mario, walking into Yoshi's room. "I-am-a feeling-a a bit sick-a today. I was wondering if you could fill in for me today?"

The lethargic Yoshi suddenly was wide awake and smiling. Yoshi always wanted to be a doctor for a day. Oh, imagine the accomplishment that he could feel when his patients felt better, because of what he thought, because of his recommendations.

"Yoshi, Yoshi hur Yoshi!" said Yoshi excitedly. _"Of course, that would be a great privilege!"_

Dr Mario departed from Yoshi's room, and Yoshi snuggled back into sleep, knowing that today would be a good day.

* * *

"Okay everybody," announced Master Hand to most of the smashers sitting at the dining table. "There is going to be a new Smasher coming to Smash Mansion, who has not appeared in any Nintendo games, has no interesting personality whatsoever, but is still better at fighting than all of you combined!" 

…

…

Silence.

…

…

"Master Hand, this is almost as low as inviting a completely unrelated character that would add nothing to Smash Mansion, except make a cheap excuse for romances with Link, Marth, Captain Falcon or Zelda, and still get interest from the readers, because the main characters in the stories are the most popular ones," said Tails.

…

…

An awkward silence.

…

…

"Hey, you know what Tails?" asked Master Hand.

"What?" asked Tails.

"Shut up," said Master Hand.

Unfortunately, Tails could not hear Master Hand as Zelda and Pac Man were making out very loudly behind him.

* * *

Yoshi sat eagerly on Dr. Mario's desk, waiting for paitients that he could cure. Suddenly, the door opened. Yay! Someone that was of needing Yoshi's assistance! Yoshi smiled, and looked at the person coming in.

"Hi Dr. Mar- oh, hi Yoshi!" said Falco, walking in, relatively cheerily.

"Yoshi, hup herr, hup Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Falco, I'm filling in for Dr. Mario today!"_

"Oh, okay," said Falco. "Well uh, let's say I have this friend… who likes fruit… I mean like… he likes fruit a lot…"

Yoshi noticed Falco taking a lot of long pauses in his speech.

"Not me of course… and let's just say that one time he tried to stuff fruit…"

Falco described what happened.

Yoshi wept in the corner.

* * *

"Everyone, here's our new Smasher!" announced Master Hand. 

Her name was Annabel. The first thought of the other smashers as they gazed their eyes at this perfect looking symbol of beauty (_COPYRIGHT HOOGIMAN DO NOT STEAL MY CHARACTER AS I WILL THEN SEND YOU THREATENING LETTERS IF I CAN AFFORD THE POSTAGE! IF YOU LIVE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, THAN IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU STILL WOULDN'T STEAL HER, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, SHE'S LIKE THE MOST PERFECT CHARACTER, SHE'S LIKE BETTER THAN MARY SUE OR SOMETHING, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? SO YEAH, DON'T STEAL HER_) was that she was beautiful. At a ripe young age of just 14, the smashers were unaware of the almost pure perfectness that she would hold. Everyone blankly gazed at the perfect, ideal, wonderful, adorable, perfect, exquisite, gentle, generous, stunning, grand, charming, perfect, beautiful, gorgeous, faultless, pretty, kind, perfect, open-hearted, perfect, cute, perfect, lovely, delightful, perfect young woman who was so full of perfectness, that she was more perfect than the most perfect people in the world, combined with the most perfect horsies, bunnies, mousey-wousies, horsies, antelope and ponies. Actually, she was so perfect, that the queen and the pope commented on her perfectness, and said, "At a ripe young age of just 14, before we were unaware of the almost pure perfectness that you would hold. We will now stare blankly and gaze at the perfect, ideal, wonderful, adorable, perfect, exquisite, gentle, generous, stunning, grand, charming, perfect, beautiful, gorgeous, faultless, pretty, kind, perfect…"

"**GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHSFVUEWSVUSD!1111**" screamed Bowser, heaving a ten-tonne giant crowbar into her left lung. He then picked up a double-bass, pounded it into her groinal region, got a baseball bat and repetitively bashed it into her face until no more blood could be drawn, and could ooze out onto the floor, making a river of pure brains and blood, picked up a viola, and stabbed her 26 times into the left nostril, got a pick axe, cut her back open, grabbed out her spinal chord and stabbed her.

She died.

* * *

"Hey Fox," said Falco. 

"Yeah?" replied Fox.

"Have you noticed that in stories with a few reoccurring themes or sub-stories, there is always the odd paragraph that doesn't contribute anything to the story, and just acts as a filler so that one of the more interesting sub-stories can move on a period of time, or simply increase the word count?" asked Falco.

"Increase the word count?" asked Fox.

"Increase the word count," replied Falco.

"Increase the word count?"

"Increase the word count."

"Increase the word count?"

"Increase the word count."

"Oh, in that case, yes," said Fox.

"That's good to know," said Falco.

"And another random piece of information that doesn't add to the story whatsoever is that I am going to go to the store and buy gumballs!" announced Fox.

* * *

"I think Annabel died," said Jigglypuff, looking at Annabel's dead carcass. 

"Yeah, the whole 'Mrs. Perfect' being stabbed by Bowser repeatedly, and that big deep throbbing pile of blood, oozing out of her body, oh yeah, and the whole, 'She died' thing that the author just described, showing that Annabel died, maybe you could have seen that, and you see that? There aren't usually maggots on a good, healthy body for no reason, oh, and see Master Hand? I think he's making phone calls planning her funeral! And with all of that evidence there showing that she's dead, you just, 'Think that she's dead?' Not even an acknowledgement **knowing **that she's dead with all of that **bleedin' obvious **evidence showing that she's dead?" replied Pikachu in a slightly angry tone.

…

…

Silence.

…

…

"You know Pikachu?" replied Jigglypuff.

"Yes?" asked a slightly angry Pikachu.

"I think you might have a point there."

"That's very good to know," replied Pikachu in a now very restless voice.

…

…

"You know how Annabel is perfect? Well I figure, because she's so perfect, she wouldn't be bleeding if she was alive, because, you know she's so prefect? Well, I think she's dead," said Jigglypuff in a slightly cocky manner, patting her chest, or where it would be.

Pikachu stared awkwardly at Jigglypuff.

"Did you just tune out after my first sentence?" asked Pikachu, now quite irritated.

"Uh… Well…"

Jigglypuff thought about that.

"No," she said brightly, "I copied it from what you said!"

She beamed at him proudly.

Pikachu stared at her blankly.

Jigglypuff beamed at him proudly.

"That's not clever," said Pikachu. "That's just ripping off what I said."

Jigglypuff frowned.

Then, she beamed at him proudly.

"Are you listening?" said Pikachu angrily.

"Will you marry me?" said Jigglypuff.

"No," said a harassed Pikachu.

Jigglypuff frowned.

The chapter ended.


	2. Chapter 2: Murder Mystery

"Parody – the Story"- by Hoogiman

Chapter Two- Murder Mystery

"Smashers, here is your well-deserved vacation!" said Master Hand, pointing at an island from a boat that everybody was sitting on.

Everybody cheered.

The boat docked at the resort island. It was beautiful, full of lush, beaches with golden sand, a green forest that had birds soaring over the canopy, and an elegant building in the middle that didn't seem to touch nature and any of its' beauties.

(Insert more descriptive ramblings that don't actually help the development of characters or the storyline, but make the author look professional and make an instant review machine.)

"You will all have your own spacious villa, which will be a gateway to the near luscious beach!" said Master Hand.

"Wow, Master Hand," said Link. "This seems so out of character for you! This is so nice! You must be joking, or secretly want to pick us all off one-by-one, and the characters of your choice get to live!"

"Y… no… this will be a permanent investment after you stay here, and will be open to the public!" said Master Hand.

"How long will we stay here?" asked Zelda.

"You will all stay here for two months, but I must warn you something," said Master Hand, with everybody leaning in closer. "This resort is for privacy, and for limited connections with the outside world, all of you Smashers are allowed a total of one call a day. You will have to choose when this call is right, and there will be dire consequences for the person who makes the second call, or any call after that."

Some Smashers talked to each other and started showing signs of confusion.

"Is this some sick reality TV show?" asked Ness, slightly angrily.

"No," replied Master Hand.

"Oh boy, I'm gonna be on TV!" said Peach, happily.

"He said no," whispered Bowser.

"I'm gonna create a spin-off TV show from this where I'm a retired acrobat having flashbacks about my topsy-turvy career!" announced Peach. "Oh, and there's songs too!"

(Slab in some random copyrighted song lyrics, make it italic, and say how it represents the mood and tone of the story.)

"Okay," said Master Hand. "I'll pick you up on this boat in two months! Have fun!"

Master Hand went away on the boat, cackling evilly.

"I find Master Hand a very honest and trustworthy person!" said Peach, sincerely.

All of the Smashers stood on the beach awkwardly.

* * *

"Can I take off my leash for a toilet break?" asked Popo, almost suffocating on the collar that Nana put around his neck.

_Baa, baa, black sheep…_

"Two minutes," said Nana, angrily.

Popo rushed off to a nearby tree, glancing behind to see if Nana would take her eye off him. But she didn't take her eye off him, so he couldn't make a quick escape from her.

_Have you any wool…_

"Get off this island," whispered a voice nearby.

"What?" said Popo, glancing around.

"Get off this island, Popo," said the voice, anxiously. "Bad things are going to happen."

_Yes sir, yes sir…_

"Are you trying to scare me? Because it's not working," said Popo, bravely.

"Just kidding," said Young Link, laughing from the bushes.

"I knew it was you," joked Popo.

A spear narrowly missed Popo's head, and hit Young Link, killing him.

Popo turned around, to see Bowser holding a javelin.

"Uh… this isn't what it looks like!" said Bowser, scratching his head. "You see… this is a javelin… and a spear hit Young Link… I really didn't kill him."

"Oh," said Popo.

A javelin hit Popo, killing him.

Everybody stared at Bowser.

"Uh… this really isn't what it looks like… the pile of javelins that I have here… are mine… but the javelin… that killed Popo… was not mine…" said Bowser.

Bowser laughed unconvincingly.

"Let's kill him!" screamed Link, charging towards Bowser, along with a lot of other smashers.

A javelin hit Bowser, killing him.

Multiple javelins hit all of the uninteresting characters.

"Yay! I'm still alive… which makes me interesting!" announced Peach.

A javelin hit Peach, killing her.

"Who keeps on throwing these javelins?" asked Link. "I've got to tell that person about javelin safety!"

"Maybe the javelins were thrown… not on purpose!" announced Mario.

Everybody gasped.

"No really, Sherlock," said Roy.

"Haha," cackled Marth, wheezing in a drunken state. "Oh… Roy… you're so witty… and silly!"

Roy collapsed on the ground, and then got hit by a javelin.

Pikachu ran in from the jungle.

"Pi ii Piika ii Pika Chu Chuu Piika ii Chu piika chu ii piika chu pi piika!" screamed Pikachu, with a spear on his tail.

"I think Pikachu's trying to tell us something!" said Mario.

Everybody gasped.

"No really, Sherlock," said Marth.

"Haha," cackled Roy, wheezing in a drunken state. "Oh… Marth… you're so witty… and silly!"

"Now… for the immunity task!" announced Geoff.

Everybody stared at Geoff, angrily.

"I hate you!" screamed Ganondorf. "You made all of those people write all of those survivor fanfics… and only one of them is good… and that's on my favourite stories list!"

Ganondorf picked up a javelin, and threw it at Geoff, killing him.

Ganondorf sighed, smiling.

"I think he killed him…" said Mario.

Everybody gasped.

"No really, Sherlock," said Roy.

"Haha," cackled Peach, wheezing in a drunken state. "Oh… Roy… you're so witty… and silly!"

"Peach… you're dead!" said Roy.

"Oh," frowned Peach.

Peach died again.

"I think we need to find out who is throwing these javelins!" said Mario.

Everybody gasped.

"No really, Sherlock," said Marth.

"Haha," cackled Peach, wheezing in a drunken state. "Oh… Marth… you're so witty… and silly!"

Marth stabbed Peach with multiple javelins, killing her (REALLY!1).

"Is there a mystery here?" asked Velma.

"DAMN ALL OF THESE NON-NINTENDO CAMEOS!111" screamed Ganondorf, uprooting a tree, and killing the mystery machine, as well as a few of the other Smashers.

"I think you killed some of the Smashers…" said Mario.

Silence.

"Including Marth and Roy…" said Mario.

"So now it's me…" said Link, "…Mario, Ganondorf, Yoshi, Luigi and Mr. Game and Watch still alive!"

"It's funny," said Yoshi. "Usually in these stories, I'm one of the first people to get killed off- which means… arararararararar…"

Yoshi realised that he was about to be killed off.

Yoshi got killed by a javelin.

"So now it's me," said Link, "Mario, Ganondorf, Luigi and Mr. Game and Watch still alive! So who killed all of these people?"

"It can't be me…" said Mario. "…and it is not Link, we saw Ganondorf the whole time, so he couldn't have killed us, so it is between Luigi and Mr. Game and Watch!"

Luigi killed Mr. Game and Watch. With a javelin.

"Okay, it was Luigi!" said Mario, angrily.

Mario picked up a javelin and killed Luigi.

"Why did you do it?" asked Mario.

Luigi did not respond, as he was dead.

Master Hand came back on the boat.

"Boy, that was a quick two months!" said Link. "Seeing that we did not sleep, drink or eat!"

Link, Ganondorf and Mario departed on the boat, leaving the island resort behind.


End file.
